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| 04:03pm 04/12/2006 |
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mood:  morose
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I guess it's been a long time since I updated anything on here. Mostly because if there ever is anything happening in my life worth talking about, I cant talk about it anyway.
I mostly do the same things every day. Since my last entry I think my heart broke twice...probably more. It's still happening most of the time.
I went from taking care of most of the stuff in my house to alll of the stuff in my house. I am currently in debt about $1,200.00 if you don't count car insurance or anything like that.
I work six days a week and still can't do anything right.
I knew that would happen because it's December. Yet again I have to be a failure at Christmas time. Awesome.
I weighed 87.5 pounds on Thanksgiving. Not awesome. I look and feel disgusting about 99% of the time.
I made a turkey for the first time this weekend. I guess I did alright. It's all gone. I was glad everyone came over and we got to eat real food for a change.
I'm thinking about using this thing again more in 2007. Mostly for myself because I think it could help me figure out what I'm doing wrong in my life. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr...I think I will just start a real journal. That might be smarter and safer. Maybe someone will even want it when I die. |
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| 02:44pm 18/10/2006 |
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mood:  scared music: blues clues
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Maaaaaaail tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime
heres the mail it never fails
it makes me wanna wag my tail
when it comes I wanna wail
MAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIILLL!
Okay, so thats not really how I feel about it, but it made me feel better to sing that. |
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| for sentimental purposes i guess |
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| 02:10pm 09/10/2006 |
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mood: crushed music: Jessie's Girl
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little known facts:
There isn't a single thing that I do that I don't second guess.
There isn't a single day that I don't feel guilty about something.
There isn't a single time that I feel like everything is/going to be okay.
There is rarely a statement that comes out of my mouf or typed into this gurnal that isn't soon regretted.
I would like to think of myself as an extremely trustworthy person, but I don't trust anything I do.
I've been trying to isolate myself as much as possible to avoid putting my foot in my mouth or doing something stupid.
If we are/were friends and I have ever done something wrong to you, it probably wasn't on purpose and I'm truly sorry.
"And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in me
I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines
Ain't that the way loves supposed to be?
Tell me, where can I find a woman like that?" |
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| I diiiid in fact try to lick my elbow. |
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| 12:17pm 07/10/2006 |
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• It is impossible to lick your elbow.
• A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
• A shrimp's heart is in its head.
• In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
• Horses can't vomit.
• Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
• Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
• If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
• In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
• Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow. |
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| 04:55pm 06/10/2006 |
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mood: jealous
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seriously. |
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| bored |
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| 04:06pm 27/09/2006 |
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mood:  hot music: full house on the tv
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I'm pretty sure I would never say "who put da bomp...", but I did think it was funny that my weapon of choice was a cigarette lighter and my favorite target was elderly women.
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| and because i feel like it |
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| 11:30pm 26/09/2006 |
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mood:  nauseated
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Guided By Voices- Awful Bliss
You chose a giant step - caught your eye
Guaranteed sweetness that you thought broken
And you were not fine
And bearing in mind
Other ones that you could have wed
And hopefully dread
And I wouldn't dare to
Bring out this
Awful bliss
No I wouldn't dare to
Bring out this
Awful bliss
No I wouldn't dare to
Bring out this
Awful bliss
Randy Travis- On the other hand
On one hand I count the reasons I could stay with you
And hold you close to me, all night long.
So many lover's games I'd love to play with you
on that hand there's no reason why it's wrong
But on the other hand, There's a golden band
To remind me of someone who would not understand
On one hand I could stay and be your loving man
But the reason I must go is on the other hand
In your arms I feel the passion, I thought had died
When I looked into your eyes I found myself
When I first kissed your lips I felt so alive
I've got to hand it to you girl, you're something else
But on the other hand, There's a golden band
To remind me of someone who would not understand
On one hand I could stay and be your loving man
But the reason I must go is on the other hand |
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| "So I mean its cool if you keep quiet but I like singing..." |
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| 10:57pm 26/09/2006 |
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mood: Rednecky music: Randy Travis & Josh Turner
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There's a long black train
Coming down the line
Feeding off the souls that are lost and crying
Rails of sin only evil remains
Watch out brother for that long Black Train
Look to the heavens
You can look to the skies
You can find redemption
Staring back into your eyes
There is protection and there is peace the same
Burnin your ticket for that
Long Black Train
Cause there's victory in the Lord I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and his Holy Name
And don’t go riding on that long Black Train
There's a engineer on that Long Black Train
Making you wonder if your ride is worth the pain
He's just a waitin on your heart to say
Let me ride on that long black train
But you know there's victory in the Lord I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and his Holy Name
And don’t go riding on that long Black Train
Well I can hear the whistle from a mile away
It sounds so good
But I must stay away
That train is a beauty making everybody stare
But its only destination is the middle of nowhere
But you know there's victory in the Lord I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and his Holy Name
And don’t go riding on that long Black Train
I said cling to the Father and his Holy Name
And don’t go ridin on that long Black Train
Yeah watch out brother for that long Black Train
That Devil's a drivin that long Black Train. |
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| 03:48pm 22/09/2006 |
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I just spent about 2 hours deleting people from my friends list on myspace. If you were on there and you aren't anymore, chances are I didn't know who you were because your name was something crazy. If that happened, let me know and I will add you back. |
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| 09:44pm 13/09/2006 |
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Deeeeeeear Live Gurnal,
I don't know whats happening in my life anymore. I don't know what I want or what to do to get it. I never know what the right thing is. I never stop thinking about things I did wrong, or maybe they were right and I thought they were wrong. I feel regret for the first time in my life over things I never felt regret for before. Things I have regreted don't seem important anymore and instead "good life lessons" or something like that. I guess thats why people say "you'll laugh about it later." Instead I'm not really laughing but thinking about how it affected other people even though I don't care about it anymore. But maybe I do care about it and I just try not to. My life is gay. Yessss..it could be worse. I've said that twice in the past two days even though just yesterday I said I hated it when other people say it. double standards. or i'm a hypocrite. either way I guess it doesn't really matter. Nearly everything I've ever done has been hypocritical. I should really stop talking. If I could make myself stop talking I could never really affect anyone, and then I would have much fewer problems in the first place. It would also help keep me from the thousand hour long conversations I have with people twice, three times, my age.
As a matter of fact I even have conversations with someone almost four times my age.
Seriously. Here's my life.
7:30 am Monday through Saturday - phone call from bonnie, followed by car ride with bonnie annnnnd bunnie. I hate that dog. I've grown to be less of an animal hater these days, especially dogs, but not this one. I hate this dog, mostly at 8 am in the same car seat as me.
8:00 am - 4, 5, 6, or 7 p.m. Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday - All day long, dog, cat, old lady. Feed the dog, the cat the old lady. Clean up.... restroom messes... from the dog, cat and old lady. Try not the let the dog, cat or the old lady outside unsupervised. Try not to let the dog, cat, or old lady be attacked by each other.
Food network and cigarette breaks on the back porch with the dog and the old lady.
8:00 or 9:00 am - Tuesday and Thursday - Cleaning houses with bonnie, taking bunnie to "doggie daycare" and more old people. Also more dogs.
Mostly after that I come home and clean the same things I came home and cleaned the day before and then someone makes me mad and then I stare at the tv until I go to sleep. With the occasional call from Josh. But lately some Dr. Mario. Which is good.
Sundays- Church, where I'm the only person under 40 I think, and lately hanging out with Susan discussing Arbonne. (who is also 50 something)
So, now that I've actually looked at what I do everyday and see how unbelievably not cool it is I can't really remember what I was upset about in the first place. Also, if you read all this you're probably my friend, so I like you and that makes me feel better. |
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| 03:58pm 14/08/2006 |
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mood:  angry music: i wish
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Not being able to do anything right is gaaaaaaaay. |
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| 04:05pm 11/08/2006 |
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mood: disappointed music: Elliott Smith-Twilight on repeat in my head
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Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying
She's a sight to see, she's good to me
I'm already somebody's baby
She's a pretty thing and she knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby
You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together
I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby
Because your candle burns too bright
Well, I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well, I'm tired of being down, I got no fight
You're wonderful, when it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you I'd disappoint you too
Well,I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby |
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| 01:08am 11/08/2006 |
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mood:  and ballin' music: guided by voices in my head
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I figured I should update this thing before I went to sleep.
This week has been pretty crazy I guess. Tuesday when I was at the old lady's house she decided to poop in the floor, then try to clean it up by pouring a half a bottle of tub and tile cleaner in the floor. I tried to get her out of the room so I could clean it up, and she backed up and stepped in it... cool. Thennnnn the dog decided to come in between us, while I was trying to get her in another room, and tried to eat it. Soooo, I'm trying to drag the dog out of there with one hand and walk her out of there with the other hand. I cleaned it up, turned the tv on bluegrass music, fed them both and then tried to be as quiet as possible until they both finally fell asleep. (They were both pretty tired from trying to escape all day.) Well....that sounded much cooler than it really was. They weren't trying to escape from me, it's just what they do. I don't know where they think they are going though.
I get home around 6 or so and my sisser is here and she wants to go to Louisville. I didn't really want to go, I just kind of wanted to lay around and watch tv and stuff but my mom apparently is preparing for this "yard sale", that I'm pretty sure will not happen for a long time, and she thinks she can do a better job if I'm not here. So she keeps on talking about how I never do anything and I should go somewhere and buh buh buh, so I took a shower and went with Karen so I didn't have to listen to her anymore.
While I was up there Karen's phone rings. Shes talking to my mom and kind of secretive and then I could hear her asking a lot of questions, but didn't act like anything crazy happened. Well, my mom got pulled over in my car. Everyone's cool about it though. I didn't understand. I still don't understand actually. For those of you who don't know, I currently have 1 working tailight, expired tags, and no insurance. This means, when you get pulled over you owe someone a bunch of money.
Nooooooooooow, I have to walk to the old lady's house because apparently when you do a lot of things for a lot of people that means that no one can do anything for you. It's alright though. It only took me about 35 minutes the other day and I think if I wake myself up enough I can get there faster tomorrow. Its extra excersize that I would be to lazy to do otherwise.
The good news is that I think she might get out of it all together if I can fix the tags and insurance by the 21st. Luckily my 17 year old brother has "contacts".
Thats about it I guess. My gay dad told me he thought it would be worth a $1500.00 ticket TWICE if I would just go ahead and drive my car to the unemployment office in Louisville to put in an application at G.E. I told him I didnt think that since it would take me 4 months to make that. jerk.
Other than that and some realization about who my friends are I don't really have much else to update about. (Luckily for the people who might have actually read this whole thing). I guess I just feel like if you are only going to call me because you want something, maybe you should call someone else.
Josh will be here tomorrow for those Hardin Co. residents who might be interested in hanging out this weekend. I have to go to sleep now so I'm well rested for my 7:30 am walk. |
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| Having her on my brain's like getting hit by a train, she's gonna kill me... |
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| 08:43am 07/08/2006 |
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mood: mentally unstable music: Danzig - Possession stuck on repeat in my head
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So, I guess I could say that everything was/has been going a little smoother than it has lately...I guess. I really don't even know anymore. I would like to not have dreams that make me think all day. That would be nice. It sucks when something eats at you and then when you try to forget about it, you have to think about it in your sleep too. gay.
The weekend was alright. Just a lot of sitting around watching tv. Josh made a cake and it was delicious, so that was a plus. Sucks that it costs more to buy a gallon of gas than a pack of cigarettes and that we work crazy different schedules though.
Bonnie did call and I don't have to be there until 9:30 today. Awesome. But that probably means that I'll be there forever, which sucks, and by the time I get there her mom will be up and the dog will be crazy. guh.
So, I just remembered that I have to go pay this phone/cable/internet bill that is for some reason $160.00 when it should have been more like $100.00. You see, I dont know why it costs this much because the jerks never sent me the bill and then they sent me a disconnection notice saying it was late. I hate people. A lot usually.
Here's whats inside my head today, because I think it's probably whats happening to me. also gay. not the song, the fact that it's my life.
I want to crawl inside your soul
Nestle in your brain
Stand you on your head
Crouch you on all fours
Oh I will walk among your dreams
When you think you are asleep
The invitation of your mind
Beckons me to your sin
All the things that you say and feel
For I will be inside your speech
Say the words you must not say
For I will lurk inside your heart
If you can take it and survive
As it must ever be
Oppression
It’s ever been
Through my oppressive black sleeping
It has always been
Possession
As it must always be
All the things that you say and feel
Become
Possession - riding
Possession - riding you hard
Possession - riding you on yea
And I will worm inside your skull
Make you beg to be my whore
Do my bidding day and night
If you can take it and survive
As it must ever be
Oppression
It’s ever been
Through my oppressive black sleeping
It has always been
Possession
As it must always be |
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| 02:11pm 05/08/2006 |
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mood: ballin music: mix cd currently playing Bright Eyes The Calendar Hung Itse
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I've been so busy listening to the AWESOME double disc cd that I got the other day that I forgot to update this thing. :) (compliments of Justin Massie)
I've done a lot of hanging out this week compared to the usual wheel of fortune and simpsons watching I've been doing lately.
Wednesday night I went to Justins and hung out for a while. I like his new "bachelor pad". He made me 2 cds in exchange for the sweat shop work I did. I'd say it was a fair trade. Plus I got to wear pajama pants, got free food, and no one was raped. Sounds like I may need to make it my new career.
Yesterday I hung out with Tony. It was also awesome. There was Best Buy, and Target a little zombi 3. It was a pleasant change from what I normally do and think I might have to do it again.
Now today I'm going to go visit Josh, which is almost always fun. There will be Red Thunder and television I'm sure, which is alright by me. I only wish he lived closer so I didn't have to drive so far in my ghetto car.
I'm glad all these people hung out with me so I feel a little better than I did earlier this week. It was the most ballin' shit ever plus I haven't cried in like 3 days!!! yeah!!! Crying is not the most ballin shit ever. Now I have to take a shower. |
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| 08:26pm 10/07/2006 |
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mood: all of the above music: some rap music sams listening to
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I figured I would update this thing since I haven't in a long time.
Currently I am -
*living in etown
*watching the old lady 4 days a week
*looking for another pt job
*probably living/ending a double life
*broke out
*broke
*uninsured
*frustrated
Currently I have-
*only half a job really
*absolutely no privacy
*no gas
*no close friends
*4 brand new canvases
*some free time
Currently I feel-
*bored
*uneasy
*confused
*a little scared
*a little lonely
*stressed
*clean
*worried
*guilty
*stupid
dear live gurnal... |
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| The song doesn't work when you sing 3:55 to 12:20 |
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| 01:34pm 23/05/2006 |
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mood: anxious music: Dolly Parton - 9 to 5
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Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin', stretchin', try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin'
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin'
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
Chorus:
Workin' 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin'
And no givin'
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
It's enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that I
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss won't seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
Mmmmm...
They let your dream
Just a' watch 'em shatter
You're just a step
On the boss man's a' ladder
But you got dream he'll never take away
On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin' for the day
Your ship'll come in
And the tide's gonna turn
An' it's all gonna roll you away
2nd Chorus:
Workin' 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin'
And no givin'
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
It's enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
There's a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
It's a rich man's game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Puttin' money in his wallet
3rd Chorus:
Workin' 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin'
And no givin'
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
It's enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
Fade:
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
There's a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
It's a rich man's game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Puttin' money in his wallet |
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| cool... |
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| 07:33pm 07/08/2005 |
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mood: bored music: hank
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What does the Lotter name mean?
Last Name: Lotter
German: from Middle High German lotter ‘rascal’, ‘juggler’; either a nickname for a good-for-nothing or possibly an occupational name for a minstrel or entertainer.
and moms maiden name
What does the Gallagher name mean?
Last Name: Gallagher
Irish: reduced Anglicized form of Gaelic Ó Gallchobhair ‘descendant of Gallchobhar’, a personal name from the elements gall ‘strange’, ‘foreign’ + cabhair ‘help’, ‘support’.
I'm a strange good-for-nothing rascal entertainer. |
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| 01:34am 06/08/2005 |
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p.s.
with a bunch of money. |
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